Authenticity.

Something I have struggled with in the past is remaining authentic. I think a lot of people can relate to that. You think you are living your life the way you want, following what you think are your dreams, and becoming the person you believe you want to be.

Then you have a sudden revelation, after reading something, seeing something, learning something. All of a sudden it hits you: you have been living your life for the praise of others.

I realized long ago that I was living in a way that I thought I “should.” I had a stable (yet unfulfilling) long time job. I tried school a few times chasing what I thought I wanted to become. I tried dating people that I thought were right for me. I wanted people to like me. I wanted my parents to praise me. And I wanted the world to see me as a have-it-all-together-miss-independent grown up.

Slowly my authentic self became muted.

Withdrawing set in. I turned inside of myself. I withered away.

Having gone through the experience of an eating disorder dropped me to the floor and shattered me into a million little pieces. I began to pick up the pieces and question who it was that had been hiding inside that fragile shell all those years.

I left behind my job and the rigidity of routine. I suffered and I fought against my inner demons. I picked up words off pages and slowly started to create the person I knew I was meant to be.

Now here I am. I am so many different things and wear many hats but the proudest thing I display is my own self-image.

Attempting to become an entrepreneur is difficult in itself. Attempting to become an entrepreneur who is going against the grain of an industry makes it a little harder. But I refuse to give up on what I believe in and who I am.

I struggle to find balance and I struggle to fit in. I am so much and yet so little. I find myself feeling forced to be something and market myself as someone in a way that does not align with authenticity.

And that is what inspired this post.

Being a personal trainer who is body positive and does not want to fit into the weight loss and ‘thin is in’ industry, being a health coach who does not excitedly post about the benefits of green juice and kale, can create some hurdles. I refuse to attempt to fit another mold though.

That is why I named my business Live Loud.

I want to inspire people to be who they truly are and to be that person proudly — and loudly.

So pardon me for being a little different, being more lax, not shoving my generic blog posts down your throat, and for doing things my way.

 

xx
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