When what you miss isn’t what you want.

Spring break. A time for less responsibility, vacation, no schedule to follow. Although I am working while Reilly has spring break, she has been enjoying plenty of free time and sleepovers at her mom’s house.

My mornings have been a lot easier. There isn’t any rushing out the door crying over bad hair, or fighting over eating breakfast. It’s been quiet and solitary. I’ve read. I’ve watched the news. I’ve done yoga. I have actually sat down at the table and tasted my coffee and breakfast. And I did it all with plenty of time to spare.

Oh, it has been marvelous having a more lax week. Even the nights are quiet and relaxing. I had forgotten what it felt like to not have a child around all day every day, to do as I please and when I please, and to not have to worry about someone else.

Truthfully, though, I miss having her around all the time. I miss her squeaky voice. I miss her laugh and her whining. I miss her cuddling. I miss her presence. As much as I thought I missed the “good old days” of not having a child around or at least not having to be her everyday caretaker, I am finding quite the opposite is true.

I certainly haven’t changed my mind about wanting my own kids, but I do really enjoy having a little one hanging around all the time.

Sure it’s nice every now and again. Having a day or two of freedom is refreshing. It reenergized me. But an entire week, for me at least, is too much of a good thing.

It made me realize that although I think to myself I wish I had more freedom to come and go, I wish I didn’t have to worry about taking care of another little human all the time, that I could have some silence to go off and read or do yoga, and that I didn’t have to hear my name called 25 times in a row, I don’t really want that at all. I simply need a break once in a while.

I miss her too much when she isn’t around. I cannot wait for her to come home.


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