Paying Attention.

Something hit me while I was getting ready for work early one Saturday morning.

I had woken up a bit earlier than my 515am alarm. I laid in bed for a bit waiting for some hint of the sun to make its way in through the gap between the curtain and the wall. I was taking in the quiet sounds of the house, all the kiddos resting, the soft whirring of the fan. I felt ready to start my day.

I got up with ease and a pep in my step. I took my time, making sure I started my day on a calm and peaceful note. That’s when I had this revelation.

I wake up at the same time during the week. I go to bed around the same time each night. Not much changes. But I realized I have no problem jumping out of bed on a Saturday morning, even if I have been working for two weeks without a day off. Yet it is quite a struggle getting up for my 9-5.

Most people would likely cringe at the thought of working so early on a Saturday, getting up before the sun, and slapping on a genuine smile by 7am. I love it though. I used to get up faithfully Saturday and Sunday mornings to get to the gym for 7am. What can I say, I am a morning person!

I started to wonder why this was, why I was feeling this way. On the days I “should” want to sleep in and catch up on rest I am so eager to jump out of bed and get my day started. No one else wants to work this Saturday shift, but I happen to really enjoy it.

The answer came to me quickly. I love the atmosphere of working in this women’s only gym. Even when it is super quiet in the morning I know there will be someone coming through the door at some point, someone different to talk with, make contact with, someone to greet with a smile and a warm welcome. And more often than not I will wind up having a good, long conversation with someone on their way in or out.

I didn’t realize how much I craved this interaction. While I have plenty of contact with others at my full time job, it’s different. The air is different. The interaction is different and more limited. We are confined to small spaces. At the gym I can see the outside world. I have room to move. I have downtime. But most importantly I have connection. I get a fulfillment I didn’t know I needed.

What it comes down to is paying attention to and honing in on your instincts. Learning to trust your feelings by noticing these small changes in behavior and mood when it comes to certain situations will open your eyes to what your soul really needs in order to be happy and fulfilled. You begin to learn that you can live in harmony with your deepest desires.

I have known for some time now that I wanted to build a different life. I had goals I wanted to accomplish. I had a woman I wanted to become. I steered off path at times, wondering how in the world I would ever get back. With persistence and keeping the vision at the forefront of my mind, I was able to regain my footing and get down to work.

It wasn’t easy. But I wanted to badly enough. I wasn’t willing to allow dark days and negativity to restrain me forever. I rode the wave, picked myself up, and got back to business.

Every day I am learning something more about who I am and who I want to continue to grow to become. What I like, what I don’t like, what isn’t working no matter how much I want it to. I’m learning to trust myself more and more and to un-learn any cookie cutter lessons I have been fed throughout the years.

It takes patience and time to trust yourself. You know what’s good for you like no other. Be still, and listen.

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